Dear User: We have completed an unauthorized computer scan of your hard drive(s) and past year's browser history. In addition to the usual pornography, online shopping, and gaming

Trampoline boots! Everybody! Trampoline boots! You know you want them! Trampoline Boots! All the cool kids got 'em! Tramp- Tramp- Tramp- TRAMPOLINE BOOTS!

I been foldin' since been foldin' since been foldin' since been foldin'. My daddy was a folder. My daddy's daddy was a folder too. Shoot, I been foldin' since before foldin' was

the different types of sacraments of initiation are baptism confirmation communion

"I'm an expert knife catcher. You there, butcher in the assassin's garb, I bet you have a knife. Throw it here, and I'll catch it. Just make sure it doesn't spin, that's too hard."

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I have Michael Bublé's "Russian Unicorn" stuck in my head.

I contrived fissionably late at Becky's for her perennial Christmas fiasco. "I love that debacle you're wearing!" she sprayed dejectedly. I began malingering with the other guests.

Out my window and across the street, a still black figure caught my eye amidst the grey-green midnight shadow of the bushes - I stared, dreading what I would decipher; dreading

Nothing wrong with dunking the Todger in a cool dip especially if its very hot

walla: Walla is a word used by ignorant Americans who don't know any foreign languages and barely know their own. The correct word is "voila", which loosely translates as "

"No," Lloyd murmured. "I don't think I'll ever get over you." "Well TRY!" Lisa said. "Here, let me help you."

If you give a mouse a cookie, he will suffer from a diabetic episode. If he suffers from diabetic episode, you must give him an insulin injection. If he recovers, he might sue you.

The tethered feathers of the gray moth erased the dew of the morning. Its body vibrated the strings of crystal web lacing the corners of the window. I watched curiously as I drank

You're eating one helluva grilled cheese sandwich. Perfect. Twice you've thought: ~Goddamn, this is the best thing I've ever eaten.~ Then you find it. A hair. You

Her face was a perfect oval, like an circle that had two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. She walked past him every day, presumably on her way to work. He was homeless,

When I finished the horror story I wondered how the narrator could still write as the evil malevolent presence was slowly approaching from behin... (What's that noise?)

I don't 'like' anybody. I don't have a 'Pinterest' in anything. I can't be bothered to 'retweet.' Please don't 'copy', 'forward', or 'Google' me. (Why doesn't anyone read my blog?)

truthfully, my sister was a lesbian. she'd been getting pretty close to me lately, and it freaked me right out. never been into the whole incest thing.

It was dark, clouds covered the sky. I stood there in the middle of the street, looking around.