Deep in the Himalayas, the monk knew he would never fulfill his one true calling: lion tamer.

Thelma raked her fingers across the top of Bubba's head, upending his comb over. His eyes rolled in delight as she sashayed behind his easy-chair, whispering the words he longed to

The crazy old coot in the landspeeder was right, those WEREN'T the droids we were looking for! Though, for a second there, they kind of looked a little bit like them - I mean, one

"Don't forget to stop and smell the roses once in a while," my mom said. It's as if she didn't know that inefficiency is a federal crime. I stepped into the teleportation chamber

He was handsome, a banker type, touch of grey at the temples, just my type. We made eye contact and I smiled. He fletched his teeth. Ughh braces, with food particles. My fetish

Stanley pulled his buzzing phone out of his pocket. "Yellow?"

Leonardo's uncle Gianno was a geometer, and never made much money. So he bought a horse named Ziggy Stardust and trained it to win the Triple Crown, with his nephew's help. One

Luke was walking down the dark alley home late at night. He had just came home from a party when a howl of a wolf was heard.Attempting to get home as fast as possible he ran.Then..

Beyonce's Nipples Costume Kicks Off Concert Tour (PHOTOS). Brain Research, as Only Vegas Can. A reality TV Mars landing may be silly, but at least its on the right track. Alien

I furrowed my brow to recall what I'd forgot. "Oh, right. Nonsense!" And with that, I engaged the phantasmagoric thingamajig, switched on the happenstance shvipten, and rocketed

CHRISTIAN BILLY VISITS THE ZOO. To celebrate Noah's birthday, Billy's relig-ed went to the zoo, at the same time as a furry convention. A gay couple explained aloud the evolution o

There's a tidal wave coming and the only hope of stopping it is to detonate a nuclear device at the exact same second the earthquake causing the wave stops shuddering

Soon sinkholes began appearing all over Florida, and within a week, a quarter of state had disappeared to God-knows-where. It was then that scientists made the shocking discovery

Here I was standing on the corner. It was wet and still raining.

The depressed termite had had enough of wood. Wood, wood wood. That's all anyone ate around here. What about osso buco? What about

The thing about Abe Froman was that it was all about sausages. Sausage this and sausage that. One time I said, "knock, knock?" And he said, "Sausage, now shut your mouth."

for the stingee is severe. For at precisely 80.192836419421291 degrees a bee's stinger gets a POWER UP and upgrades to a spreader stinger, doing three times the normal damage.

Something interesting is happening here. Have you noticed? The seemingly endless supply of letters, words, and language is running out. There are only so many available. With each

Barty, as the locals called him, round as he was tall and lived on the grounds of the oldest monastery in Britain. When he didn't show up for Mass, the town took notice.

Isla double-checked--pouring vodka on her rice crispies wasn't listed as one of the seven habits of highly people.