Eleven minutes ago his world ended, but he was standing there in the office telling jokes. Had he known, he'd have been swallowing a bullet or climbing the 10 foot roof fence.

The pink- and blue-polka-dotted house floated upward, the force of the twister having uprooted it. Careening through the sky on a collision course, Ted knew his only hope to avoid

That god forsaked day had finally arrived, the day when I would be forced to sell my soul to

I grabbed the peppermint gold from my dresser drawer and dashed back down the steps, skipping the last few and flying out the door with as much agility as an acrobat dismounting a

atheists' are

Awakened after æons, Zalgo, emerging from the unfathomable depths of the most inaccessible icebergs of the southernmost regions of mars, glanced pensively towards Earth

A farmer and his wife couldn't have a child so they prayed to the demon Butaljo to help them. When the wife gave birth, Butaljo said I granted your wish, but when she grows up

"Do the words, 'Fuck you,' mean anything to you?" he asked in a whisper. It was so quiet you could hear a mouse piss on cotton. Then from the right

Its 2018 and I'm at the Super Bowl Packers vs. the New York Jets Packers ball and I look at the QB number 4 can it be, is he still playing, Who is that

She woke up with a bad cold. If she could only

President Sarcozy leaned over the balcony, wondering whether it would hurt to much to jump down. He was a weak man, for someone running France, and couldn't stand pain.

The 13 Helgas churned in anger, filling Osh Kosh with sounds that were whey too loud. See, they hated margarine. Corn oil is for wimps, they'd mutter. Real men like saturated

She hadn’t asked for me help since I nearly burned down the house twice in one week. I’ve never really tried baking after the Christmas cookie incidents, and she never invited me

"LAWN JARTS? YOU WANT TO PLAY LAWN JARTS?" Death was peeved. I knew I had him. "WHAT ABOUT CHESS?" he offered. I smiled at that ivory skull. My years in suburbia would finally

i got beat up and i cried so they peed on me and it was bad sooooooooooooooooooooo i

theres this girl named jay and she's so...

On his journey to the second continent, the eleven gods confronted him and battled for thirty days at sea. That part of the sea still boils twenty-five years since.

I'd had a pretty good life scamming rich lonely widows at their estate sales. Things took a turn for the worse when I met that grey panther Ethel Mitallenwasser.

You & I are like ice cream & pie. You make me feel all... a la mode! We're so different. And yet my crunch & your cream make a delectable team, don't you think? I wish you & I were

Sheila was never the brightest. They told her she couldn't pour piss out of a boot if they wrote directions on a heel - she didn't get it, of course. But one day Dr. Milo Krazinski