Quiet! Quiet I whispered a loud a as could to myself. My tendinitis was screaming at me and would not obey. The click clack clunk as I cocked the pistol was all but inaudible to me

"What is this?" "Just take it." "I'm not kidding" "Me neither. It's a failsafe. For that kind of event, when things go pancake-shaped." "To put it mildly." Things have to be really

I really shouldn't have been looking. But their blinds were open and I couldn't help myself. They were

You know what do when you get writers block? Stack it in the corner with the others, till you have enough to build a really solid two story, three hole brick outhouse. Conjoined

The whistle sounded. The girls leg went back to strike it. This was it. I only had to make this one save and we were the champs. I took a deep breath and watched as the ball flew.

Flip the burger, peel the cheese, blob of mayo and blotter of ketchup, fancy ketchup. Wilhelm hated this job but, it was the only one he could get because

Pop went the weasel, his eys first bulging and then shooting from their sockets. The weasel had been one of the best-known

It was a night just like any other. I had two slugs, one in my magnum, and the other in a bottle of whiskey. I kicked my feet up on the desk to take a nap, when she walked in...

"Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy..." The song was running through my head like a drum beat. The cars were at a standstill. I tapped the accerator

I knew the second my foot hit the pavement, life would never be the same. My parents divided the move into two painful days, spending the first night in some small Minnesota town.

Johnny 5000 was a kleptomatic man-bot with little on his mind but picking pockets and stealing ladies' hearts. Stepping into the

Raindrops tapped against the windshield as Paul sat in the driver's seat, lost in thought. Why had the Priestess asked him to lead the ritual? He was a new initiate. He hoped

Pssst, hey. Yeah. Yeah, you. You wanna get loco? Try this: shave the inside of 2 bananas and dry it for 3 days. Then get some bufotoxin from a psychoactive toad's back warts and

He was stuck like a truck in the muck, perhaps he would free with a fart? The fart came and it went, but no he was not sent, the toot just had no heart. Now we must

"Hammer, let's try this again, hammer." said Bobby Skids into the phone. "Hammer, if I don't say hammer at the beginning and end of every sentence, I die hammer." We continued the

He let go of the shark's fin, which an instant later exploded. Shoved upward by the shockwave, he was intercepted by a passing outboard motor, snarling his scuba gear. It sputtered

It didn't seem important at the time. All she said was, "Nana, you have a big butt." That should have been the end of it, but then the nightmare began.

He let the meter expire. The meter maid came, and as she wrote a ticket he through the skill saw blade and hit her in the neck. A man walking a dog saw the whole thing and

It wasn't a dark and stormy night. Not at all. In fact it was a clear, warm beautiful day with just a hint of sunlight that filtered through the stained-glass windows. Or at least

The masked men stormed in, yelling, "This is a stick-up!" But the tellers of Tightwad Bank had been trained to fight back. They jumped over their desks and