I liked to live my life according to a few simple tenets. Hakuna matata, always look on the bright side, etc. So upon contracting alien hand syndrome I thought it'd be great for

I always was good at games. They were fun, but above all, they had goals which could be seen at a press of a button. Unlike so-called "life", which, apparently,

In the beginning, there were 1,800 potential characters. Then just like that, there were 1,620.

I had just a few cartridges left: 2 essential amino acids, 2 carbs, and a couple of fats. I hadn't paid for flavor emulation this month so my printer was serving some bland dishes.

I left the school building and got on the bus. As soon as we left the premises, I realized

Annual surveys to determine presence/absence and quantify reproductive success of southern reticulated warthogs will commence tomorrow morning at 0600. I expect that you will

"Well" Jess said, closing to door behind her and shrugging her shoulders at Tim "That's the last time we try to kindnap an anteater with rickets." Tim rolled his eyes and grabbed h

Dear Princess Celestia, do you care for checkers by mail? I am uncertain of the notation, but shall attempt an opening move. I call red. B3 to A4. Your faithful student,

"Hands up who ever felt like punching a kitten in the face?" The audience went quiet, not a peep, and I thought I had them with my last joke. I guess this town ain't ready for

Ernie heard a deafening crash. Snatching his coat, he dashed out onto the street, gaping at the accident. An oil truck had crashed into a cement mixer, flooding the road with

"I said 'Sixteen metric tonnes of quadrotriticale', you moron" slurred the Vulcan into the communicator. "And I better get it tomorrow, or I'm introducing a Tribble to your

Down every road there's always one more city I'm on the run the highway is my home I raised a lot of cane back in my younger days Read more: JACK GREENE - I'M A LONESOME FUGITIVE

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Old Age. Think of a hemrhoid as a road bump on the constipation trail. Forgetting where you parked your golfcart is just an opportunity

What if people stopped taking shit from beatniks? "Hey, doll, what's yer name?" "I carry mace." "Swell, dig a groovy chick. What's this, a murder? Get right on that, officers."

She lies down, putting her head on the damp grass, and looks up at the night sky.

They fired him after his presentation on impregnating toilet tissue with ghost pepper extract.

In an attempt to improve his writing, he rereads the folds he has contributed to. But he realizes with horror that the word "but" was overused in many of them, but being hard on hi

My dog woofed at me and I said what do you want Peanut Butter. He talked to me and my mother said WTF hahah my dogs such a douche Camel. my mother is also my sister

"That's all that's left," the Huntress sighed, smearing the blood on her blade on the Beowolf's fur. She turned to her team, saying, "We should head back before it gets too dark."

Minimalism