Through an unusual & inexplicable sequence of events, I found myself locked in closet with YoYo Ma. We were both sweltering & our hands were duct-taped together. Neither of us

"O my children. Stop your bickering just this once. Make peace with your maker." The voice wasn't really his." He'd passed denial. The asteroid would impact. Others knew, surely.

My stomach keeps grumbling. I think it's trying to communicate with me.

Humanity is forgetting the fear on the dark, & the curiosity to overcome that fear, a dangerous complacency. It's time to make bolder steps outward, away from creature comforts

The internet trolls are under your bed, in your closet, and in your head.

Love wasn't there. They looked in all the cupboards and under the beds and behind the sofa. They didn't know where they could have lost it.

Headstock and first frets passes screen, superstrings begin to vibrate. As we pass into the body, interstellar Zappadrive engages. Opening crawl. "A long time ago, in a tonal scale

Carol stared at the bags of frozen peas, wondering where her life had gone. Gerard Butler sidled up to her in the freezer section naked, except for a green tartan kilt. "I love you

Soulreaver, Blade of the Necromancer, was on a card table for 5 bucks next to a stack of Reader's Digest and a Easy-Bake oven with the bulb missing.

We decided to head to Ibiza and eat some pizza, but then I got distracted by the combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell which changed my mind and made me begin to crave a Doritios

On my 13th birthday, the day I became a man, uncle Shlomo's mullet ate Mrs. MacPherson's poodle Mitsy. I remember it vividly. It was preternaturally fast, devouring the unlucky

On a cold December evening, Boris was hungry, so he phoned up the local pizza delivery service. "Hello, how may I help you?" The voice said. "Hello, I'd like to order a

Why does the universe do this? I opened a fold accidentally (I blamed it on the dog), sorry slimwhitman! It was written in Icelandic, which I dont speak. Of alll the possibilities

List of future inventions: 1. A strap-on flashlight. 2. Toilet seat recliner. 3. Fruit with genetically engineered barcodes. 4. Spam-baby. 5. Goldfish hamster ball.

Mary Jane was sick. Maybe it was because of the under cooked spider casserole or the ill advised walk in the ice storm with the Parisian Panda. But otherwise he had no regrets.

How could I ever trust her if she talks behind my back! This is an important mission and Rebecca was going to ruin it if I didn't stop her first.

I thought about it again today. I tell myself it is always there. I don't need to entertain it. Like I have anything to entertain it. Here, have this ball of angst.

Many ignorant, uninformed people think that the Earth is round, and that it orbits the sun. They are, of course, very wrong. The Earth is in fact

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There's another me when I go to sleep and start to dream. I am then living in another Universe. I'm going to sleep to see what's happening to the other me.