I have to do something about this flatulence - once cup of chili a week ago and I am still deadly. If this keeps up I'm never going to get a date. Hmmm, I wonder if Beano will

For a limited time only! The Turgid Stoat 2000 Personal Fortress now includes a flame thrower attachment, water restistance, an AK 47 attachment, night vision, rape whistle,

Open up your head and let me step inside. Rest your weary head and let your heart decide. It's so easy...when you know the rules. It's so easy! All you have to do is fall in love.

In my dream I wear a motorcycle helmet and I am the only one dancing in an office. There is this strange beat in the background and then suddenly, pandemonium and chaos. Harlem.

"...and if you are one of the first 50 callers today, we'll double your order at no additional cost!" I called immediately. I had to have the Tiddy Bear in every color!

Fifteen hot dogs into the competition, and it suddenly occurred to me that

one day when Daniel Tosh came to the store evryone said GAY and Daniel said

Hank farted in his car and waited for the foulness to rise past his balls, filter through the skid-marked underwear and into his nose. Crap! It was a stinker. What will Dr.

Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away. There was a cat and a dog and another cat. They lived together quite happily most of the time except at feeding time.

I'm Voldemort, and I approved this message. The announcer began, "Albus Dumbledore says he does it all for the children. But let's look at the record. Three times in the last year

While normally it is difficult for me to begin writing, today was different. As I approached my keyboard hoping for a new subject, I became aware of a presence all around me.

He jumped on top of the car and fired off the rocket launcher at the building. It was his ultimate act of defiance against a corrupt system. The rocket flew, but a plane hit first

He was sweating again. It happened all the time now. Every time he used his Power, it poured off his forehead and down his nose, dripping onto her face. "Why'd you name it 'Power'?

I really should go to bed. I haven't slept for three days. My muse has had my brain squished between her hands. But now the spark has gone, and my mind has gone fuzzy like peachfur

I've searched the Internet, but nowhere can I find advice on how to approach a spouse to tell 'em you think their rewatching of Hellraiser movies nightly before bedtime is creepy.

My cat rubbed itself against my leg when I got home and I drove a javelin through its spine. It's legs curled and writhed like Medusa snakes and I could see a little

In one fluid motion I pushed myself onto my feet, spun back around and continued my run into my house, up the stairs and into my room. Without turning on the light, I grabbed the

Why do I do what I do?

Stop me if you heard this one. Three guys walk into a bar. No, two guys. And one has a limp. Oh, yeah, he's a priest. Then the bartender -- she's a lesbian -- says

Michelle said, "You have no idea." And Biden smiled. His eyes had pain in them too. And she knew he knew. Maybe they were both high, but they were also orphans of power.