Apparently they're not making Twinkies any more. Well, you might as well just tell me the world's coming to an end because I don't want any part of a post-Twinkie life.

At what age is one expected to start buying Christmas presents? I hated it when I was growing up. When I was 14 I bought my cousin Cindy (she was hot!) a pair of

Today is 21st of December 2012; the day Mayans predicted would be the last of the planet. Although most of us show disbelief there are some who

Petunia practiced en pointe on her trunk - her pink tutu like upsidedown tulip petals. All the other young elephants laughed. But she had ambition.

The end of the world hadn't come, Jimmy looked at his watch, then at the other people waiting for the Mayan spaceship, or was it the Annunaki? He couln't remember, he felt betrayed

"What is wrong with Putin?" thought Father Tikhon of Zadonsk. "Should I send him an egg for the New Year? Yes, all things considered, perhaps I should." And so it was that

The Magister Ludi tutted. "This is not the Glass Bead Game -- this is some kind of paintball that involves people splattering each other with references and dare I say apothegms!"

It all started with a fight on New Year's Eve.

I think I'll blow my brains against the ceiling, and as the fragments of my skull begin to fall, fall on your tongue like pixie dust just think happy thoughts. And we'll fly home.

I bit into the king cake and cracked my front tooth on the plastic baby. It didn't matter, cause now I was gonna have good luck the rest of my life. Wiping the purple sugar from my

Squawkers flew up to the stage to receive the Tony Award for Best Actor for his role as Willy Loman in Death of a Salesman. This was the first time any parakeet had ever received

I couldn't sleep after going clubbing so I watched Baptazia videos on YouTube until my face hurt from laughing. One day I hoped to star in a YouTube video. My fame would be eternal

Renee walked away from me and I was never so glad. Now I could get on with my life. Getting out of my relationship (if that's what you'd call it) with Renee took some doing, but

The internet trolls are under your bed, in your closet, and in your head.

If you want it cleaned right - you gotta roll up your sleeves, dive in and do it yourself. At least that's what my mother always

With hands in the jacket pockets to escape the autumn chill, I walked briskly to the dip in the road. No traffic this morning. Hardly ever is; only the Rosentraders and I live

Marsh supermarkets would sell homogenized milk with caps that said "HOMO" on top. I thought they were hilarious and collected a bunch of them – and kept them for 20 years before I

I'd been a detective 23 years and I was tired, dog tired. Ground in stains on my trenchcoat mapped the sleaze of the city I'd drowned in too long. Deep down I craved to strip off

He was stewing in his Italian Sportscar. He had the leather gloves to prove it. He shifted gears and couldn't get the Russian giant out of his head. He thought of the statue

She sensed that he was alone by the way he stirred his drink, and the huge sky blue vampire cape he'd worn. Nobody'd told him it was a costume party, because it wasn't. This was