Her estrous bell rang out for all to hear. She stuck a thermometer in “there” and wore a Lebron jersey. But no males got the hint. “Perhaps I'll use a gong," she thought aloud near

He said "It seems impossible that after only three days I have fallen for you and can't imagine my life without you" She said,

I road into the village on a pig. The pig's saddle was one that I found in a cave earlier. I had no control over this pig, nut just let it carry me wherever it wished. The big

The elevator hit on me this morning. No kidding - right as I got in and started to press the button for the 32nd floor, it whispered in its soothing, Muzak voice, "I want to bear

DON'T PAY THE PIPER. It was the 23rd year after the 23rd month after the 23rd day after the 23rd hour that the infamous Pied Piper carried out his brutal murders with instruments.

I suppose you'd call me a modern day Lazarus.'Coitus terminus' the coroner noted on my death certificate. I was on the way to my funeral in my casket when the hearse driver crashed

I watched as my mom ate a Butterfinger. Tempted for some, I said, "Hey mom, finger me." Her face expression got me to notice how incredibly wrong that sounded.

Valery Nesvizhevsky & Sue Hendrickson met in a bar in Tokyo while attending a Templeton Foundation colloquium on time travel. "How about a quantum portal to the Jurrasic?" Val jest

Spatulas were not, apparently, the appropriate gift for one's ten year anniversary after all. "Dammit!" he thought as he raced back to the Dollar Store, where he hoped to find

Number 24. House is to clown as giant sea monster is to

George Lucas had re released Star Wars for 870th time.

So I wanted fight crime of course, but since the spinnerets grew in a more accurate location than on my hands, I didn't dare - no one wants to be rescued by someone who shoots webs

I dreamed again of my former life as a groupie for the Fixx. Ah, the hair, the clothing, the music - so bad! So God-awful bad!

Lap dog on a highway, Cool whip in his hair. The smell of burritos rising up through the air. Up ahead in the distance I saw a shivering wight.

In the outback the Australian Aboriginal tribe sat in a circle and told stories of the dreamtime. These stories would help explain how the creatures had come to inhabit the land

"Yeah, he may not own a suite but he makes a good pina colada" the exec joked at my expense. Then a pineapple walked in and crushed him. His wife screamed. The alien turned to her.

His vision rage red, Max Jones plowed through the other shoppers in a berserk frenzy. "MINE!!!" The next moment, he awoke strapped to a table in a secret Army facility. "Congratula

My wife left me because of my wandering eyes. I couldn't blame her. I sighed and switched on my sonar before I got out of bed. It sounded like they were in the kitchen cabinets ag

In this universe, Patrick ate a piece of toast, pecked his wife on the neck, and took the train. In the other, Patrog tore a leg of boar, stole the bar wench, and fled the carnage.

"Smell's funny." "It's offal." What's that?" "Sheep organs." "That's gross." "It's eat's". "No thanks." "Just try." "You first". "I'm hurt." "One bite?." "Aw, love."