"It would only take 30 - 40 minutes tops to break into it, " I thought to myself... Charlie Tuna, why do you do this to me every time?? The pouches are ok, but the cans are soooo

She was already showing clear signs of madness. My therapist, the one who had decided to get rich while "helping" me began to devour her own consciousness... and It was I who

'You can remove toxic conditions from the atmosphere through fire,' said the pundit. 'The process is called Homa and is based on the vedic science of bioenergy.' Here's how you do

Chan Chan exited the alleyway into the street. The glowing outline of the Needle shot up behind the sillhouette of smaller buildings in the ever murky Shanghai skyline. Buildering

Secretart was a super hero for the sex-obsessed 21st century.

In retrospect, the idea of glass toilet paper, while appealing in some respects, perhaps was not of his more thought-out inventions, nor had the sandpaper variety caught on as much

"Eat my shorts Martin! Hey, cut that out. No not with your canines. What if someone comes into the elevator! What if Mr. Van Buren walks in on this?"

"What do you mean, do you want fries with that!?"

All the fish in the sea, the flowers and trees in your garden, the birds in the sky, even your pet dog or cat. Everything is changing. Nothing will die or be destroyed, for we are

She was the type of girl you want to forget, the type of girl that leaves broken hearts laying in her wake, too pretty and doomed to be anything less than loved madly. He sulked as

The chunk of antimatter floated in its magnetic containment unit, hovering ominously in as near a vacuum as I could get. Still, stray gamma rays from the occasional annihilation

The office staff found a bubble gum soda in a box. "Do you think we should drink it?" said the statistician.

Buzzy would never be accepted by the other bees in the hive. He found it a waste of time to fly from flower to flower everyday. Besides, he hated honey. No, he LOVED meat, even

"These are links of pure magnesium, forged by the Dwarf Lords of old for our bravest warriors to fight the fiery Balrog that lurks within the mines-" "Wait" interrupted Fluffums,

As an artist, I am often questioned about the thought process that I enabled me to come up with my unique structures. My most recent work is being unveiled in the square of the

So it seems that SmartCars ARE good for something, mainly bringing into the house and decorating it for Christmas. Dad was going to love it, or wait a sec, he could hate it. Damn,

On a rest stop off Hwy 395 on the way to the eastern Sierras I met the Woods poet. He was wearing an oversized green parka & taped up boots. He said, "Yo, I rap to woodland fauna

A Frito, a Cheeto & a Dorito were sitting around the pantry one day. The Cheeto said "I'm the cheesiest!" The Dorito said "I'm the most angular!" The Frito looked at the others and

The manager wanted to take it one higher, and convinced Newt to appear as Mr. Newton McGrinch for the Xmas show. Comedy & Calamity was preprogrammed when Robin Williams heckled

"Wow, it's a good thing my costume has no socks," said Sarcastiman. "I bet they would've been knocked off by the immensity of this new assignment, Cap'n." Captain Frank rolled