When Roger refused to consummate their marriageon their wedding night, Cleo deeply regretted her vow of premarital chastity. But Ross the bellman was happy to step in. As it were.

Letter openers are just so boring. Especially the one I got as a St. Patty's Day gift. My uncle was cool like that; giving gifts on random holidays. Sadly he missed the mark with

Out of the mouth of failure

Like most renown scientists Dr. Doppel denied aspiring to the Nobel prize while secretly coveting it. His ambition led him to a morally questionable experiment when he cloned

"I have a Groupon!" Again, I showed my print out to the manager, but the goons had me by the collar and belt and I was being dragged to the door. This was

Knick Knack, Paddy Whack. What the hell is a Paddy Whack anyway? Paddy is often used to refer to an Irish Man and a whack could be a whack with a stick. Irish Child abuse? Could it

It's an old story. A djinn appears and offers you three wishes. If this happens to you, your best bet is to

I am a 65 years old retiree, people look askance at me when I say things like, I"I think Ill build a Mandolin from scratch then learn to play it. It only takes my time, not theirs

I put my fingers in there, then I realized that I had done so and withdrew my fingers from that place -- only to find them completely chewed off.

"I have herpes."

And that's when it hit me- "All of these statues have penises...except this one!" I went over there to examine it more closely.

The stench permeated the entire cave. There was no mistaking it, we had reached the lair of evil incarnate, death given mortal form -- B'chugerroth, lawgiver and master of the void

Light of the setting sun lit the room uncovering old bookshelves, dried out plants and a bed that have not been used for quite a while. "Oh, God... What happened?"

The hipster at the bar look like Frank Sinatra on a 60's album cover. What goes around, she thought. Still, he was cute, in an earnest way, so she bought him a drink and

As Roberta floated her model boat for the first time, it inexplicibly exploded into a thousand pieces. The debris that fell from the sky was even more extraordinary! Hundreds of

Let me just start by saying it's not my fault. That dog shouldn't have been there in the first place. And who ordered the chinese food anyway? If you think that I'm going to

"That's the fifth one this week," he said. "Makes eighteen this month." Picking up a handful of feathers, Mark nudged the chicken with the toe of his boot. "Quite an outbreak of

There was a girl with a wird name . She had the hair most girls would envy. She was the cutest. She loved driving and sailing her hair in the air. She had the prettiest laugh

"A simple man, living a simple life" was his motto. And as I pointed out to him every time, "You aren't that simple Brian. You've got that big....

She sat up in bed and started talking." I don't know who he is mom." "Wake up your dreaming again" I said "I know. That's what he Said." she said. Wake up honey you're sleeptalking