'Congratulations! You are the winner of a 7 night 5 star trip to the Bahamas!' said the pop-up on my screen. I thought I had installed that damn pop-up-blocker! I clicked on it and

There once was a man from Nantucket

He kicked the peg and the air filled with expectorant. He always held his breath when the toilet flushed, wishing he could change his clothes too. Some amount swirled into the air

People always say that you should "write hot, edit cold," but I've never been very good at taking advice. So when I delivered the letter to Mr. Slovanko

He jumped on top of the car and fired off the rocket launcher at the building. It was his ultimate act of defiance against a corrupt system. The rocket flew, but a plane hit first

"I can prove God exists." It was manifestly odd remark coming from a man who'd professed to be an atheist all his life, but when Gordon took me to his laboratory and showed me

After they busted me out of prison I got a mighty grouch on. I used to go around dispossessing people of their 18 Wheelers. After speed eating a "baconator" I point the truck at

FaceBook seemed to be consuming her but she loved it. She loved finding all the old friends she'd found, especially the ones from high school. What she didn't like was

Her ninetieth birthday smoked every other for the last 72 years. Sure, her family was there, but so was a 20 year old Swiss. He'd said he'd come for her, and 72 years later, he had

Chevy Chase had just booked a bank commercial. Sweet Jesus had it come to this? He used to be funny right? Right!?!?!? Then his toothpaste said, "You were never funny, just

The boy stared at him with hollow eyes and a smile that was disconnected from them. Several of his teeth were missing so when he sang, a little whistle escaped with each S. A bomb

The shortest novel in the world began: Once

If I had to hear that idiotic ring tone one more time, I was going to shove the stupid phone down her throat. I'd managed to avoid every episode of Glee, but here it was, right in

Another day of luckless job-hunting left Morraine depressed and frustrated. She had the education and the experience, and her asking salary was very reasonable, she thought.

Shoes shoes shoes as far as the eye could see. She had longed for a shoe storage system but now she had one she realised her life was complete and the future was now uncertain. In

Marcus sat next to her on the couch, they were watching a movie, but not really. They were more into cracking the bones in each others fingers.

I looked into the sky and saw chuck norris flying, doing his paper round like he does every day at 3 pm, but today he had a brand new cape

"Dear diary, it is after the Great Nuclear Event, I am all alone and now I can tell my truth. I am the man inside the Kool-Aid guy, and now

Is this your card? No, wait.... Um... Is this your card? ( I knew I put it somewhere.) Okay, let's just start over. (Shuffle, shuffle.) Okay, now. Pick a card. Hold it. Don't tell

He had cut off shorts, vans, an inner tube, a 12 pack of Pabst, no sun screen, Too Short box set and bologna sandwiches. He was ready for the river but when he got there