They call him the 'Child Whisperer'. What

They call him the 'Child Whisperer'. What he does isn't much different from horse whisperers, although Derek claims to be psychic. He also claims that Child Whispering is a skill

the "Inside Voices" section of the yellow pages, just ahead of Librarian and Schizophrenic. In "Child Whisperer with Cesar Millan," he groomed the kids into "Little Caesars" by

forcing them to eat nutrient depleting, sheet-rock flavored pizza. Then the kids would be wearing toga's and carrying a spear. Then they'd get sent to Juvenile hall which was part

of the junior-high graduation ceremonies. As part of ancient Roman studies, a chicken-wire paper mache coliseum was erected and the 8th graders would preform gladiator reenactments

with remote controlled cockroach drawn carts. For Wyler Junior High's 50th anniversary the Chariot races were filmed by the Film Studies students. My Charioteer Huronimus Anticus

was reenacting probably the only chariot scene, when a jock stomped on my remote control cockroach. Wyler Jr High lost its mascot. She gloated at me, teeth brown from Coca-Cola.

Disgusted at her coke-brown teeth, I leaped onto the chariot as it passed. "Where do you think you're going?" she cried. "Back to Greece!" I shouted. "I think!" But she was already

headed for Antioch, so, close enough. I got out of the chariot and paid in my shiniest dinars, then I explored the town square to compose my street-vendor repast. Then to sleep, I

lay my head down to dream about tomorrow...tomorrow, the first day of the rest of my life. As I closed my eyes, I shut out the past, all the horrible memories, & especially...her.