Tired of boyfriends who don't understand

Tired of boyfriends who don't understand your needs? Husbands who sit on the sofa & drink beer? Meet Adam, off-the-shelf Individuality. Just download your desired partners personal

qualities and voila! A perfect mate! Handsome (check), Intelligent (check), Faithful (check), Big...Hands (check), Ambitious (check). I clicked "FINISH." My Adam cost only $19.99 +

a nominal shipping and handling fee, I could have two Adams - I'd just have to pay the extra handling. Hmmm...would I want two perfect mates? Would fidelity be an issue? The curs

e of infidelity struck immediately. I was bringing in 2 pieces of battenburg cake & found Adam and Adam in a clinch on my sofa! I tried to insinuate myself between my perfect mates

which is the name of my balls. I call them my perfect mates. They are perfectly wrinkly, fuzzy and aromatic. It's really hard to sit so that I am perfectly splitting them on other

People's heads to curb lice. One of the Whole Foods vendors was interested, smelling a profit. The smell of money to them was like catnip to cats. John Mackey got wind of it too.

It takes a louse to recognize a louse: so say the lice. They recognized John Mackey but stuck to the deal. They were after the jingle jangle & if that meant not knowing, so be it.

"Give us the jingle jangle," they squeaked their antennae waving in the air. John Mackey gave them a once over which took 1/1000th of a second. "What's it to you," he grumbled.

"I'll give you aliens the jingle jangle," spat John Mackey, "just as soon as you're quite done with this jiggery-pockery!" The aliens visibly wiggled within their space suits.