When the snow turns into spring, there is

When the snow turns into spring, there is usually joy and elation all around. But on this day

I said, "Ta Daaaaa!" and whipped my jumper cables across

my hood. I was the reborn Kit, and I was determiend to take my revenge on the Hoff, who had left my lights on during one of his two week benders. Knight fell, and darkness filled

my soul as I remembered all the homes he'd sit on me and fart, making me bask in his stink. No, it was time for revenge - and some Armor All to freshen my

car's interior. You might as well look fresh if you're going to be committing a crime as heinous as the one I was about to commit. I gathered up my tools and stuffed them in the

me from covering my face with a coat. My publicist whispered to me, "This isn't a perp walk, they're just paparazzi." He pushed me forward on the red carpet, and I crashed into

Fat Lion, a.k.a. Big Lion. "Yo, I like your music a bunch, but I'm gonna eat you for lunch!" He roared, pouncing upon me. They didn't call it the "red carpet" for nothing.

Big Lion achieved commercial success with his song "Big Loins." The christian right and misogyny-sensitive lionesses disapproved. But he was the new King of the Concrete Jungle.

But the King had no crown, just a bunch of Justin Beiber fans who were sick of hearing "Oo Baby, Baby oo". "How does that prepubescent girl live with this every day!" Lion suicide.