When the snow turns into spring, there is

When the snow turns into spring, there is usually joy and elation all around. But on this day

I said, "Ta Daaaaa!" and whipped my jumper cables across

my hood. I was the reborn Kit, and I was determiend to take my revenge on the Hoff, who had left my lights on during one of his two week benders. Knight fell, and darkness filled

my soul as I remembered all the homes he'd sit on me and fart, making me bask in his stink. No, it was time for revenge - and some Armor All to freshen my

car's interior. You might as well look fresh if you're going to be committing a crime as heinous as the one I was about to commit. I gathered up my tools and stuffed them in the

pocket of my pants and sauntered out the door of the limo. Flashes popped all around; the red carpet before me. I should be enjoying this, but my criminal mind couldn't stop

me from covering my face with a coat. My publicist whispered to me, "This isn't a perp walk, they're just paparazzi." He pushed me forward on the red carpet, and I crashed into

Big Lion achieved commercial success with his song "Big Loins." The christian right and misogyny-sensitive lionesses disapproved. But he was the new King of the Concrete Jungle.

But the King had no crown, just a bunch of Justin Beiber fans who were sick of hearing "Oo Baby, Baby oo". "How does that prepubescent girl live with this every day!" Lion suicide.