"Big Willy, get down from there! You could

"Big Willy, get down from there! You could die!" "I'm all right, Momma!" But Big Willy wasn't all right.

Big Willy hadn't been alright since the first time Big Momma had dropped him on his head. Big Momma knew this but didn't want to make matters worse by telling him so. "Get down

big blubbery buttocks that bounced belligerently into Big Willy's head, causing him to fall to the ground in a heap. "Whooa...Looks like we're on the Struggle Bus," cried Big Momma

This bus led them to Hel's Kitchen, where they got the best pepperoni pizza ever. Hel, the owner, was the son of Italian immigrants. Big Momma and Big Willy were happy to have

food on their plates. They hungrily inhaled Hel's infamous pizza and washed it all down with grape soda. "Oh!" cried Hel from his kitchen. "Mama mia! De sode de grape-uh? What is a

nut doing in my pizza? Who knows?

"I know," said Mr. Peanut somberly as his monocle steamed up with tears, "that was my only child. Please remove him from your pizza and let me cremate him, as is our custom."

Before the pizza covered in peanut remains could burn, however, it sprouted legs and ran out of the oven on cheese legs.

The pizza was gone, and I was sad, disappointed and hungry as hell. But hey! In this situations you can always swallow your own saliva.