Long day, same old, same old. So, tonight,

  • Long day, same old, same old. So, tonight, instead of ground beef in his Hamburger helper, Griffin added

  • ground pork. The Hamburger Helper Hand bounced off the box and pimp-slapped Griffin. "No no no!" it shouted. "Let me show you how it's done." Then the Hand proceeded to

  • Wander over to the cabinet and grab the bottle of Mr Clean. The Hand blushed, and grabbed the kitchen cleaner. The Hand had a thing for bald men, always has, that was the downfal

  • l for most disemobided hands that obtained consciousness. The Hand stared with its non-existant eyes into the deep, ocean-blue eyes of Mr. Clean. Feeling itself getting lost, Hand

  • shook itself, quite a feat for a single hand, and slapped Mr. Clean on his squeaky clean bald pate. Mr Clean blinked and then winked making Mr. Hand get weak in the joints.

  • Suddenly the Hamburger Helper mitt burst in with a cast on its thumb, a black eye and a busted lip. "Don't fall for Mr. Clean's charm, Mr. Hand, he's a violent abusive, mamma's boy

  • who had spent too many of his years getting high off of Oxi-Clean and Pine Sol. But it was the kitty litter what ruined him. Good ol' Jonny Cat, stuff would leave a man high and

  • damn near an amnesiac once he came down. We'd tried before to get him to change his ways, but huffing household products had turned him from a kind compassionate man into a roaring

  • lion that gave out swords and magic potions to lost British orphans. Well, it was a step in the right direction. If only it were true. We cured him of his huffing habit by

  • Taking one of the lion potions and stuffing it in his mouth. Only, the lion was not healing, it died We put a poisonous potion in his mouth by mistake. The poor orphans. No potions



  1. Haunted Oct 03 2012 @ 19:21

    Hahaha, I love how the Hamburger Helper hand emerged a second time in this story, nice m80 xD

  2. Zetawilk Oct 03 2012 @ 20:24

    Didn't the Hamburger Helper hand get its own video game on the N64? I recall seeing it in the orthodontist's office years upon years ago.

  3. Haunted Oct 04 2012 @ 22:09

    You mean Glover? Haha, unrelated to the HH Hand, but a good game nonetheless

  4. Zetawilk Oct 05 2012 @ 03:33

    Any relation to John Glover? Ohh, I hope, I hope!

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