Chemicals incinerated his eyes and nose and

Chemicals incinerated his eyes and nose and stopped him dead in the doorway. Nothing had prepared him for hydrochloric acid and month old rot stew that coalesced in the bath tub.

But the detective wiped a paste under his nose. It covered the smell but it was too late. He heaved. The detective clapped his hand over the rookie's mouth and pushed him to the

his partner into the back seat with him. "What's this guy doing?" he demanded. His partner scratched the rookie behind his ears. "That's what happens when you work with dogs."

He then spread some peanut butter between his toes. With a knowing smile, he closed his eyes.

Time passed. The heavy air fell upon his naked toes. As he sat silent, the feeling of little licking squirrel tongues

were unmistakable. He moved like a feisty gazelle, there was no way they were getting at his nuts. In no time, he found himself in the middle of a dense forest. He

scrambled up the tree, when a perigren falcon snatched the squirrel, leaving his coveted nuts behind. The sports memorabilia collector then presented his balls for all to admire.

That's what he said he was going to do, and he did, pulling his trousers down everytime a lat passed, for them all to admire. He was the talk of the town, and the best looking too.

Soon he was surrounded with impersonators who would silently mimic his actions. The group soon developed camaraderie, and decided to name themselves the Pant-O-Mimes.