I was sick of how smelly the monkeys were

I was sick of how smelly the monkeys were at the zoo, so I began a monkey laundering scheme. every night I would sneak in, borrow a few monkeys, take them home and launder them.

Soon, however, I ran afoul of the monkey laundering laws which required segregation of Capuchin monkey wash water from Spider monkey wash water. I had been using a single tank for

both types of sea monkey bathing. The FMBA Federal Monkey Bathing Association caught my errant faux pas and fined me $20,00.00 It nearly put my monkey laundering business out

of.. business. Luckily I had the foresight to lock the dirty monkeys in a room full of typewriters & I sold their XXX Law & Order parody screenplay to pay the fine and expand my

on the deep web, to various creeps and artsy types. You have to keep a monkey clean to keep it happy, and you have to keep it happy or else it won't work. That's why it's so vital

to launder a monkey before it spirals into a cesspool of filth & sub-optimum productivity. F. Dixon DVM [Dixon, F; et al. (2009) "A Novel Approach to Monkey Laundering"] recommends

Experimenting with cats as sensory guides as you proceed to launder different monkeys. Don't start with gorillas. Madame Dujardin tried that and was eaten alive. This was 1954.

Yellow outfits were very fashionable back then, and Madame Dujardin was wearing one when she approached the gorilla. Thinking she was a huge banana, the gorilla peeled her and ate

her in two bites. That was the end of Madame Dujardin. The gorilla lumbered back into the jungle never to be seen again & no one in the Dujardin family ever knew what happened.