The new marketing guy appeared to have missed

The new marketing guy appeared to have missed the point of the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty when he hired 14 "Dove Bitches" to work the trade show. Show 'hos he called them.

He had no reason to believe the gambit wouldn't work. After all, he was the guy who came up with the Bud Light hussies, and the Jose Cuervo sluts. That had done gangbusters in

Arkansas. Why not gussy up the old cow and try some chocolate milk T and A? Those Illinois farmers won't know what hit them! Now, to light myself a cuban

cigar and ponder the meaning of life. Arkansas was beginning to grow on me. I decided to check out the local entertainment so I jumped into my Corvette and sped off to find

the world's largest spinach can. I was on a Corvette quest for Americana. It started with the ball of twine in Minnesota and would end in Florida with the biggest

a few glasses of my fart collection to "get into my olfactory zone". I selected a 1995 fart from Bill Maher and another by Yeltsin. The giant woopie cushion stunt was on in 5 min

-utes. I was about to walk onto the stage to disgust the world with my infantile flatulent showmanship when a sandbag dropped onto my head. Damn those things were heavy. I was out

cold for 7 minutes until someone threw a bucket of water over me. I farted 'Wake me up before you gogo' and heavy fumes dispersed the crowd. Man did they run! I looked around for

justice, but saw only lunacy. I peeled myself off the floor, buttoned my trousers, and plodded away, wondering how i had ended up in such a huge mess three days before my funeral!