Johnny hasn't been the same since he got

Johnny hasn't been the same since he got back from 'Nam. Sometimes I can still hear him scream,

"The dream police, they live inside of my head. The dream police, they come to me in my bed. The dream police, they're coming to arrest me, oh no." Maybe Johnny is

one of those guys who likes to use handcuffs, while have a particular aversion to being confined. Maybe I should have been more careful about how I worded by profile on Match.com.

Maybe I should never have shown up at the house at the end of the block. I should never have divulged that my screen name was primaliscream. Maybe I never should have worn that

T-shirt with 'I am a troll' on it. A butler opened the double doors and led me to the ballroom. "This is the troll known as 'primaliscream''" he announced to the gorgeous throng.

The gorgeous thong-baring throng ogled my troll shirt, as the head butler led me into the room, which was brightly lit and garishly decorated. Living up to my name, I shrieked

And the noise police arrived to arrest me. Disturbing the peace, they said. Like I had started a revolution by telling the truth to the butler, who knew all behind the scenes drama

, wrote our best lyrics, and kept time like no other. Alfred looked at me from his drum kit in the "great room" of the run-down house we rented for band practice. "Sorry, Mr. Wayne

but I quit the band." "But Alfred" Bruce said, in a deep, gravelly voice, "I'm BATMAN!" "Yes, Mr Wayne. That is exactly why I quit. Things just are not the same since Robin left."