I think I might be a porcupine because a

I think I might be a porcupine because a porcupine would feel just like I do right now.

"Or you could just be strapped to a bed of nails. Ever think about that?" came a soothing voice from the other side of the room. My dreams of being a porcupine crushed, I tried to

cover up my excitement at the thought. How did they know about my bed of nails? - I thought sharply. I must've let that one slip somehow, without realizing it. Aside from

macaroni and cheese, Kraft really doesn't have anything to offer. Good. Now they look confused. The mind scanners had lost me again. If they walk under my bed of nails I can Iron M

aiden my way out of them. You heard me right. Kraft don't stand a chance against the Iron Maiden. Velveeta's Liquid Gold has a leg up on them, anyway. Liquid GOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLDDD

Was rapidly rising in price and commerce was suffering. Truck tonnage was way down, as was rail tonnage. Iron Maiden was performing their new album, "Mastodon". It sold so well

that actual mastodons were thawed free from the tundras by the fervor of Iron Maiden fans. Nobody today knows how they did it but there are great herds of mastodons on the plains a

nd as legend has it, the running of the mastodons is oft accompanied by a mysterious, resounding version of, "Run to the Hills." No one has been able to pinpoint the source of the

well regarded among the fruit and juice cadres who wear mastodon hide jackets and boots. Mastodon was the hit of the fashion season. It was a hit in the dungeons of Europe & Asia.