The 27th Prophet of Earth liked his beer

The 27th Prophet of Earth liked his beer and pretzels -- but he never had any intention that these should become required sacraments for residents of The One. He watched in dismay

as his alma mater's football team got slaughtered in the Vatican Chastity Bowl -- literally so, as Jehovah rained lightning bolts up and down the sideline. The 27th Prophet changed

quarter backs and asked Jesus to throw a Hail Mary pass to his best wider receiver Johny Patmos. Unfortunately Jehovah knew the Saints gameplan already and

from the Lord's dog, Ghost. Beer erupted from the Flying Spaghetti Monster's volcano and strippers began marching out of the factory, signaling that the Inter-Panetheon Dogshow had

finally entered intermission. A sea of patrons surged to the nearest restrooms, trampling thousands of factory fresh strippers, causing panic among investors and deities alike.

One of the strippers was my ex-girlfriend Jenny. I swore under my breath to Billy and asked if we could go back into the theater, but it was too late. She was already moving

about the stage like a curious rat, jerking off her clothing in a manner devoid of allure. "You dated her?" gasped Billy. Jenny jumped around spastically then fell off the stage.

The audience collectively inhaled. It was one of those moments in which they weren't certain whether to take this as tragedy or comedy. One clever goer texted Mel Brooks.

"Hi Mel Brooks. Please stand up where I can see you."