A sweet and precocious girl age 7 wrote "i

A sweet and precocious girl age 7 wrote "i know how the sun shines... it's a ball of fire." in a folding story. It didn't ft and she was branded a troll. "Is there a better way?"

Her father withdrew his savings and hired a music producer to make her a hit. In 24 hours Rebecca Clark was recording "Friday" proving that

Justin Bieber wasn't the only whiny-voice teenager who could make grown adult claw out their ear canals with pickle forks. Meanwhile, the young Ms. Clark's YouTube video

an unexpected tidal wave, unrelated to the viral outbreak. This isn't Hollywood, and stuff doesn't always happen for a reason. Escaping in a special submersible, the committee

determined the best course of action was to form a bipartisan submersible subcommittee dedicated to planning for future viral outbreaks and/or tidal waves. At the first meeting

they ordered papa john's and just dicked around for awhile. It was taxpayers' money going to waste, not theirs, so why bother with efficiency? Then the submersible subcommittee

chewed on the deep dish for a while. The congressmen sat back on the couches and watched America's Got Talent. Someone piped up, "16 Billion for the Trident?" They all said "Aye!"

If only the congressman had REALLY been paying attention. "Aye" was not legislative affirmation, but spelling the secret code "E-I-E-I-O" in order to release the undead army

of zombie sheeple from their mouldering lairs of hoarded goods. A mindlessly ravenous citizenry makes for a healthy economy. He knew he deserved a Medal of Honor for this.