The suspense was half the fun. The other

The suspense was half the fun. The other half...well, it didn't exist. Arwin gazed longingly through bloodshot eyes, waiting for

for moisturizing drops for those bloodshot peepers. In came Ben Stein with a small plastic bottle. Arwin was stoked. But Ben was evil and he squirted a potent mixture of

Cran-Apple, dolphin excrement, and habanero pepper juice from concentrate into Arwin's creeper peepers. His eyes opened wider than the ones in Black Hole Sun until they finally

opened so wide his eye balls popped out. Arwin would never be a Peeping Tom again. He would spend the rest of his life being blind in jail, unable to see the men who

forced him to take it for hours upon hours, man after man, complaining about their problems and the lives they left on the outside. He wish he could be deaf as well as to blind.

The other duties he was forced to perform as the official girlfriend of the 2 million plus US prison population began to really take it's toll. He felt like it might drive him to

sexually pre-date Eisenhower for the last time he got any sexual action. Chris Hansen fooled no one; he was trolling for connections to "save" children just like the church. Be

yonce was on to him, though, and reported Chris Hansen to the ethics board at NBC. Nothing was done, of course, and now Beyonce feared for her life. Her song "Ring The Alarm" refer

red to Hansen's strange proclivity towards going to schools, setting off fire alarms, and then kidnapping children in the ensuing panic.