The sun was shining; the birds were chirping.

The sun was shining; the birds were chirping. The coffee was brewing; the gun was loaded. I

was feeling chipper. Sipping from my stainless steel thermos, I looked out on the Rocky mountain sunrise. God, it felt good to be a right-wing gun nut.

God sipped his Tall fat-free mocha and winked. It was scary having breakfast with God. He always knew what you're thinking. "Don't forget it either." God said and bit into the mapl

ike veins in the pterodactyl's neck, Triassic blood spurting about the room. "Be still winged friend" chimed Jehovah, "I'm attempting to recreate you as a higher creature."

Mr. J dreamt of an evolutionary ladder connecting dinosaurs with a musical creature of feathered plumage. Despite catastrophic meteor impact, he managed to nurture Squawkopteryx

from when he was just a little egg up through his development into a multicolored fledgling. Mr J had high hopes that one day Squawkopteryx would meet up with a lady velociraptor.

Hoping to create a new species, Mr. J sprinkled Cheez-Its, Squawkopteryx's favorite treat, under Pachypteris trees that attracted lady velociraptors. The next day, horrible screech

came from the trees. After enjoying some cheez-its Squawkopteryx forced himself on some lady velociraptors. Now all I had to do is get the eggs to protect my new species and prove

this whole evolution big bang thing was a load of crap. The Squawkopteryx eggs were looking a bit funny, not in a "funny haha" kind of way, but in a "wtf is this?!" type of way.