I was busy rubbing mashed monkey glands into

I was busy rubbing mashed monkey glands into my scalp. Mme Wong had sworn that this was the best baldness cure known to science & worth the huge pricetag. It smelt a little like nu

gent. Ted Nugent, that is. Hmmmm...maybe my hair would look like his after I finished with this amazing scalp treatment. I mean, surely Madame Wong wasn't wrong about this...right?

Surely it isn't crazy to talk to myself right? Madam Wong yanked my sideburns hard. "Wake up their Chappie!" she shouted in my ear.

"Wha- But I am awake!" I said. "No," said Madam Wong, "You're in the dream realm." I noticed she was hovering a foot above the ground. "Wake up, Chappie, before the specters come."

I woke up. Were the specters gone? I reached for a glass and tipped the night stand. The water sloshed out in a slow wave. The alarm clock read 8:88. I was still asleep.

No wait, I'd forgotten about the new Daylight Squandering Time: a half hour of day was added to each hour of night. And the water contained food thickener. But were the specters

expecting speckled spectacles of specious splendor? He hoped not. Squandering was one of his greatest strengths, but squandering daylight seemed wrong. It made him profoundly sad,

seeing the glimmering beams of sunlight waste away in a can on the shelf like this. He took it down, dusted it off, and decided to move it to a spot by the window. Maybe then it

It was the greatest error of his life, although he never knew it. The poor schmuck ended up like all the rest of us...working too hard for a living & never understanding why.