This is a story about a guy who played golf.

This is a story about a guy who played golf. He worked harder and harder each day but couldn't get any better. One day he decided to go see a guru. The guru said these words to him

"Hear these words of wisdom! For I am a golfing guru. The secret to golfing success is to *cough* *splutter*". The guru died before he could impart his golfing wisdom to Gerald.

Fortunately for Gerald, he'd never had more than a passing interest in golf. He turned back to the matter at hand.

Gerald tossed the tennis ball in the air; "Cmon, twist serve! Don't you dare fail me now!"

I could swear I had super-human strength. So, I came out of my shell. I tore open my shirt and shouted iwth a confident voice, "Here I am world! Here is the mighty

'Whoop Ass Factory!"" I then began to march down the street, pumping my arms and legs like a steam engine and making chugging sounds. When I was directly in front of my new enemy,

I blew a whistle and came to a stop, then yelled "ALL ABOARD!". My enemy obligingly hopped on board my imaginary train, and then I realized just how silly this all was. "Y'know,

I'm still going to kill you, I don't care if you play my favorite game, imaginary soul train ride, with me or not. There's too much bad blood between us, you killed my father,

my mother, my grandmother, my dog, my pet stick insect... the list goes on. That's why I have strapped you to this imaginary Soul Train and we're standing near Niagara Falls. Bye!