Regrettably, not every story can be happy,

Regrettably, not every story can be happy, or silly, or funny. Some stories, such as this one, are more than just sad or grim. This is a story of stark cruelty and human evil.

In the times of the Vikings, a keep was built on an ancient place of power, a place of the dark forces. The Saxon wretches huddled against the walls as the invaders

screamed blood curdling cries charging towards the Saxon peasants. They dreaded the Keep, but wanted to feast in the Halls of Valhalla. Within the Keep, a thick fog congealed into

chicken soup, distracting the warriors with its rich scent and reminder of home. "Fight it, soldiers!" Great Badgerheart cried. "It is but an illusion! Cast off this dark sorcery!"

stirred at the commotion and advanced on the bag with legs. 2 privates pulled the bag away to reveal its contents. Amid the turnips, the entire camp was shocked to see…Jimmy Hoffa!

"We thought you'd turnip sooner or later," said General Merchandise before ordering his underlings to take Jimmy Hoffa to the cooler to await trial. But being a vegetable, Jimmy

had a lot of need for speedy Photosynthesis during the day, and needed to breathe Oxygen at night, through the Calvin Cycle.

The fungi, however, got all of their nutrition via the Hobbes Cycle. (Yeah, you knew I was gonna go there with that one, didn't you?) In fact, the rules were completely different

. Think CAM photosynthesis, but instead of the time of day determining decarboxylation, it was the orientation of the nearest five-star constellation. Now they were out of stars.