Just so you know, I am narrating again. I

  • Just so you know, I am narrating again. I told my reflection in the monitor next to my head that he, meaning me, should really go do those dishes that he started on this morning.

  • "Hah" I told myself, "those dishes have been there for quite some time, haven't they?" Anthony Hopkins' voice in my head paused when "Boogie On Cheddar Woman" played upon the radio

  • "You know, Clarice, I subscribe, it might surprise you to know, to the old adage that music soothes the savage beast. My beast, so savage, likes to be soothed", I said to myself.

  • Low rumbling sounds from below, site of my subterranean keep. Time to feed the beast, but I'd depleted all the help. I placed a "wanted" ad: Housekeeper needed, plumpness is a plus

  • , must provide own condiments. The ad was answered by Miss Twerthington, a poor widow with wide hips who could barely see. "You'll do fine," I said as I led her to the beast's lair

  • , and seated Miss Twerthington down on a rock right beside the lair, sprinkled her salt, pepper, & a dash of Worcestershire sauce. "Now just wait here. Don't move!" I backed away

  • “Come & get it!” I shouted but when they came out they just looked at Miss Twerthington, turned up their noses at her, and stated flatly “We are vegetarians” Well, I never thought

  • I'd see the day that a gaggle of vegetarians would congregate in my house. MY house! My sanctum against the vegetarians of the world. A single tear tumbled down my cheek.

  • I put a finger to my tear and then to my lips. The salty taste broke me out of my fugue and I knew how to beat these meat-hating freaks! "The special salad will be done in a few",

  • I cackled, grinding the pepper into the crisp romaine leaves now. I chopped veggies and threw them in, and then added the final touch: rancid cheese. The crowd was disgusted. Yay!



  1. PurpleProf Feb 20 2018 @ 21:27

    In the meantime, Miss Twerthington is still sitting on the rock, covered with seasonings, wondering what the heck??! On the other hand, who would want to eat Miss T, anyway? Cool that the cheese from Fold 2 reappeared in Aorta's ending!

  2. LordVacuity Feb 22 2018 @ 18:17

    Update: Those dishes did eventually get washed. However, the dishes I started on this morning are still waiting to get finished: I am, technically, still using 3 of that batch, so it should be considered still as an Ongoing Wash with freshups allowed.

  3. LordVacuity Feb 22 2018 @ 18:21

    For full disclosure: a Godiva coffee mug, a saucer place, and a teaspoon. I am still on the same pot of coffee but I don't that because the coffee pot has its own schedule and is an individual transaction each time.

  4. LordVacuity Feb 22 2018 @ 20:06

    Some spider told me that Miss Twerthington was a spicy tamale, whatever that means.

  5. LordVacuity Feb 22 2018 @ 20:07

    I asked the spider what that meant but since I don't speak spider i didn't understand it's answer.

  6. LordVacuity Feb 22 2018 @ 20:10

    I understand spicy. I'm Mexican-American, so I also understand tamale. So when the spider said it, that I understood. I just don't know what spicy tamale means to a spider.

  7. LordVacuity Feb 22 2018 @ 20:14

    Now I want a spicy tamale. But wait, I do have some leftover chicken mole con arroz. brb

  8. BlastedHeath Feb 24 2018 @ 00:53

    Futique, when the little island of white and green mold floats upon the coffee, it's time to wash the pot.

  9. BlastedHeath Feb 27 2018 @ 14:13

    I love Shabadu's continuation in fold #3.

  10. BlastedHeath Nov 15 2018 @ 12:37

    And I also love LordVacuity's footnotes to the story.

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