John and Frank sat at the bar chatting. "I

  • John and Frank sat at the bar chatting. "I can't believe how mad she got", Frank muttered. "She was working in the kitchen and I just got one little toenail in the

  • Paula Dean Heart Attack Colitis Margaritas she was making and went ballistic." John and Frank drank in silence. Thinking of ways of killing their fat Southern mother.

  • Man, they were mean. John and Frank sat. John and Frank thought. John and Frank killed their fat Southern mother. Here's how:

  • Love. Haven't you ever heard what they say in the south? "Why, I just love her to de-ath." John & Frank loved their mom to death. They loved her sausage-n-gravey biscuits too. But

  • there was one thing they resented more than anything. John and Frank took the truck to the farmer's market that weekend. They packed 2 blankets, a sleeping bag and 7 plastic bags

  • filled to the brim with dihydrogen monoxide, which they'd purchased online for $10,000 from a member of Al Queda. John and Frank planned to exact sweet revenge on Farmer Bill for

  • taking his geese to market without tarring their feet. John and Frank splashed plenty of dihydrogen monoxide over Farmer Bill's farmhouse, lit and threw a match and stood back

  • to wait for God to modify physics. But God, not existing, was in a mean mood. Water would remain water, at least for the night. The He appeared in Farmer Bill's dream and yelled

  • "Mitchell, how dare you eat the last fudging pickle you fudging mendicant." And Mitchell looked at Webb and said something unintelligible. Farmer Bill woke up from this dream,

  • with a strong hankering for fudge and pickles. "You got any fudge or pickles, Martha?" he asked his wife. "Fresh out!" she replied. "But I've got a creampuff you can eat."



  1. jefforama Mar 16 2014 @ 15:52

    I will need some time to sort out the symbolism evident in this story.

  2. 49erFaithful Mar 17 2014 @ 20:44

    I'd love to hear once you get it figgered. Dark, with overtones of atheist Oedipus cunnilingus methinks.

  3. 49erFaithful Mar 17 2014 @ 20:45

    AKA the #3 on the Big Board.

  4. SlimWhitman Mar 19 2014 @ 17:26

    It's rare to LOL on every fold. I did. Y'all crack me up.

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