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My management philosophy consists of hiring

  • My management philosophy consists of hiring complete imbeciles and then riding herd on every last little thing that they do to make sure that they don't screw it up too badly. This

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  • makes me look good & gives me a sense of power, regardless of my management methods. Of course, all of my employees hate me, but whatever. One day, one of my workers named Bill

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  • invited me to watch a musical play at the new theater uptown. I didn't really know why, but I said yes. At that moment, he was so happy that his nose began to bleed which caused..

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  • panic amongst the nearby "Paranoid Anonymous" group, who immediately started shrieking competing theories about which government agency had poisoned him, and donning their tinfoil

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  • berets because this was a Paranoid Anonymous group in France. All of their theories about how "he" was poisoned were intricate and also, well, full of ennui.

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  • Determined to uncover the truth, he set out to discover if Paranoid Anonymous was right that their leader had been killed with poisoned camembert. He packed his favourite red

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  • sniper rifle, his teddy bear, and a deteriorating Penthouse Letters and set off for the Chilean Andes. Arriving in Lima, he glanced around the terminal, sensing something amiss in

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  • the arrival hall. Everyone had two heads. What the hell had been going on in Lima? He attached the scope to his sniper rifle and picked off each extra head. But two sprang up where

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  • one had been. Lima had been invaded by the headsnatchers. On the streets Limans tangoed alone. The extra heads swiveled in unison, spotted him and screamed. He ditched his rifle &

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  • screamed "Hallelujah!". His voice echoed eternally.

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