We got up so early that even mirrors are

We got up so early that even mirrors are not working. We take a shower and revived. It was not so very cold. Smell the air was good. We were alone on the Grand Canal.

At sunrise I asked for her hand in marriage. She was so excited we nearly tipped our vaporetti and the answer was yes. I was ecstatic. Everything was going perfectly. Too perfectly

a perfectionist would say, but not me. This was the perfect amount of perfection. Our marriage was to be in the Spring, with a perfect cake and perfect guests. The only problem

was the Venue. Since I was to marry the daughter of Hell, our church would be a cavern near the sulphurous pits of Dis, the alter a table of human bones, and the priest

The bride rushed down the aisle to Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyries' as the congregation flash dance to 'Hurt'. Being the groom, I'd had no involvement in the wedding thus far but

when my new bride declared she was going to throw a flower-festooned concrete block instead of a bouquet as a symbol of the strength of our union, I had to step in."Darling" I said

. "No problamo," my fiance interrupted. "My bridesmaids are professional wrestlers, they can take it."What about the catering?" I said, "Malt liquor and beef sticks?" "Chill, babe

, I already got it all covered. By the way, have I told you lately that I love you?" My fiance grabbed me by both hands by my ears & headbanged me. God, she turns me on!

Our ceremony was quite beautiful, or so we heard. Turned out we were concussed for most of it, a result of our excessive head bangs of love, which made it all even dearer to me.