Umbrellas surrounded Jamir, but this was

Umbrellas surrounded Jamir, but this was no art installation. It was in fact

a severe hallucination brought about by a psychotic break Jamir had suffered after being fired from his job as an umbrella salesman at Harrod's. In the middle of the London Undergr

aduate Chess Tournament, the hallucinations flared up again. The pieces came to life and shot flaming arrows. Jamir was dragged from the room as he screamed, "The rook is on fire!"

Suddenly, the brick wall of the gym exploded in a shower of confetti and baseball cards. "RAWR" roared the Fat Lion, clad in a birthday hat and matching suit. The queen was

outraged, and immediately set about writing a proclamation condemning the Fat Lion to at least ten years in the notorious mines of

which he had earlier spoken of. The Fat Lion wasn't really that bothered, he had faced mines like those before and had even made himself a tidy sum from smuggled diamonds.

But what the Fat Lion didn't like was Elton John parading around in his diamonds. The Fat Lion grabbed two cosmopolitans and walked over to the aging star and said,

"Look Elton, we both know I have more talent in my pinky finger than you did in the last ten years." The Fat Lion threw the cosmopolitans in his face and walked off. Elton ran to

the liquor store and spent the next three weeks trying to get drunk enough to compose a true musical masterpiece. He ended up with a 10 minute score entitled "Elton is the baddest