"OH. MY. GOD. Will you stop playing Friday

  • "OH. MY. GOD. Will you stop playing Friday just this once?! that was, like, 2 years ago!"My sister screamed "NOPE! But Chuck Testa Might" I Replied. "i'll go get the Poptart and

  • see if it's still good after after 2 years." The bubblegum Pop-Tart looked innocent enough, but then it growled at me and muttered something like "rabies" or "babies". Either way,

  • I had changed my mind and ate some crumpets for breakfast. The bubblegum Pop-Tart calmed down and its mini baby bubblegum Pop-Tarts came out from hiding to play

  • in the lemon curd. They really were quite adorable. Suddenly, a horrid thought crossed my mind - what of all the other bubblegum Pop-Tarts senselessly slaughtered in the name of

  • USDA dietary standards? What breakfast foods would be "eliminated"? Panic-stricken, he rotary-dialed the governor, Chris Christie, to inform his of the pop-tart incident.

  • "Forget nutrition," the Governor said. Meals must be entertaining! Bore some holes in a cucumber, hold it over a teakettle, and it will play like a flute!

  • "Yeah!" we all said, thinking the Governor was batshit looney tunes. "What about we get a chicken, a pig, a cow and a fish and they duke it out at our table. Losers get eaten, the

  • winner also gets eaten." We nodded, brimming stupidly, but the governor could tell finally that we were humoring him. "How about I declare myself Subcommander Awesomepants & fire

  • up some weenies?" I winked at the mayor but he had been taken in by the governor's dazzling charm. "I want to be Engineer Lotus Scrotum!" he said. At that point, I realized we were

  • on the wheel out of this world. The mayor's groin unfurled and bloomed into a beautiful flower, a pre-cursor to reincarnation. If you take requests, I'd like to be a cat, Buddah.



  1. lucielucie Apr 10 2013 @ 15:54

    This made me laugh a lot.

  2. SlimWhitman May 06 2017 @ 18:17

    Me too. Thanks for recommending it.

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