"Take it." I looked down at the old man and

"Take it." I looked down at the old man and smiled. "Thank you." I said. He walked away leaving me standing there on the street corner holding a dead gerbil. I began to regret

my willingness to accept gifts at face value. I looked down at the mummified gerbil remains. The old man said it would bring me luck, like a rabbit's foot, but I wasn't so sure.

Hoping for an informed opinion, I took the mummified gerbil to the Antiques Roadshow. "Oh my!" said the expert. "You found the pet of Djer, the late Pharaoh. Its name was Djerbil."

An ancient legend says that Khepera the scarabbeetle god laid his golden egg in "Djerbil". He who swallows the egg whole in life will be reborn if his body is buried in a dungheap"

The man bringing the elephant from "Djerbil" had hidden the reincarnation-giving egg amongst cadbury eggs. Ted, ate it by accident. That night ted drowned in elephant poo after

reenacting the highlights of Tom Green's career. Ted was reincarnated as a talking pony, but he would still have to repent for his sins somehow. His very first task would be to

Infiltrate this years BronyCon and win best cosplay costume for men in purple. After that his second act of repentance would be to

to lead him into the Himalayas. After 9 more years of interviews, reference checks, and probationary hires, he found Sherpa Yehtee Ballsh who'd first summitted Everest at eight and

, he had to admit, he was rather let down. Sherpa Yehtee Ballsh was short, fat, obnoxious, & had a combover. Such is life: Expect nothing & you won't be disappointed.