"Take it." I looked down at the old man and

"Take it." I looked down at the old man and smiled. "Thank you." I said. He walked away leaving me standing there on the street corner holding a dead gerbil. I began to regret

my willingness to accept gifts at face value. I looked down at the mummified gerbil remains. The old man said it would bring me luck, like a rabbit's foot, but I wasn't so sure.

Hoping for an informed opinion, I took the mummified gerbil to the Antiques Roadshow. "Oh my!" said the expert. "You found the pet of Djer, the late Pharaoh. Its name was Djerbil."

An ancient legend says that Khepera the scarabbeetle god laid his golden egg in "Djerbil". He who swallows the egg whole in life will be reborn if his body is buried in a dungheap"

The man bringing the elephant from "Djerbil" had hidden the reincarnation-giving egg amongst cadbury eggs. Ted, ate it by accident. That night ted drowned in elephant poo after

Infiltrate this years BronyCon and win best cosplay costume for men in purple. After that his second act of repentance would be to

play 52 card pick up on the top of Mt. Everest in the middle of a snow storm. After 9 consecutive years, he finally won the cosplay event and began looking for a trusty Sherpa

to lead him into the Himalayas. After 9 more years of interviews, reference checks, and probationary hires, he found Sherpa Yehtee Ballsh who'd first summitted Everest at eight and

, he had to admit, he was rather let down. Sherpa Yehtee Ballsh was short, fat, obnoxious, & had a combover. Such is life: Expect nothing & you won't be disappointed.