If I hooked up a video game controller to

If I hooked up a video game controller to a car, I would be the best driver. Okay, so I'd be a little aggressive around turns and pedestrians, but am I supposed to NOT use turbo?

would make a real man out of me. "Your father was too much of a pansy to run over pedestrians," she complained bitterly. Misanthropic mothers have lofty expectations. "You'll learn

the difference between management and leadership at the next self-esteem convention." The mother winked. Timmy had no idea what the hell she was talking about, but she was in charg

e of the pineapple company. She was manager, and supervised the packaging and delivery of the pineapples to grocery stores. Timmy thought it was a boring job, but she seemed to

relish in the fact that she was the manager. Nothing aroused her more than knowing she controlled the flow of the world's entire pineapple supply; fruit salads lived and died by

her word alone. Her writ ran wherever pineapples or pineapple products were purveyed. However the head lies uneasy that wears the Pineapple Crown. She developed a tremor which

turned into a staggering two-step, she fell on her fruity crown, feet in the air. Queen Colada inadvertently invented "The Pineapple". The court copied her moves.

"Get up you mangy idiots!" Queen Colada demanded as she struggled to get to her feet. The court stopped tossing themselves to the floor and stood up, each person looking abashed.

"I'm sick and tired of all of you!" she screamed. "Off with your heads!" The court gasped. Then they revolted! I won't go into the gory details. I'll just say 2 words: Nada Colada.