Oh, how do I love thee? Let me count the

Oh, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. (1) with whipped cream and berries (2) naked (3) naked with whipped cream and berries (4) when you wrinkle you nose like a bunny (5)

love you for your worry wrinkles too (6) love you for your funny face (7) your play acting (8) retrodacting (9) story concocting (10) artsy flair (11) frilly hair.

My love for thee makes that: 14)I'm choked up beyond Heimlich's reach, 15)My heart's cockles are past Burnaid's help, 16)The panting accelerates so my inhaler can't keep up

"One might call this an "exhaustive" list," muttered the local theater critic, making notes in his Moleskin. The second intermission came, and we fled for the backstage spread.

It was all gone. Evidence suggested this atrocity was the work of the Whoopus. This North-West-American fuzzy beast eats 9000000 calories a day, and whoops any person in the way.

Evil mad scientists figured out how to weaponize the creature. They mass-produced cans of "Whoopus", which released the monstrosity to devour all in its path upon opening. The dest

-itute realized that it would be up to them, the poorest of the poor, to stop the mad scientists' creature by throwing themselves into the paths of the Whoopus as it sprayed the

children with its larvae. The only hope the poor had was that their broken bodies would slow the beast's progress long enough for some of the children to escape the Whoopus. When

the Whoopus arrived, it only wanted a friend, then it saw everyone running away, and it started to cry, it said "I am so lonely, will you be my friend?" it asked the readers.