Here I was standing on the corner. It was

  • Here I was standing on the corner. It was wet and still raining.

  • I looked up and could see the drops falling through the light of the street lamp. I was about to walk away when I heard a scream from the alley. I turned around and saw

  • a homeless man screaming. Normally, in this town, that wouldn't be worth mentioning, but see, he had a hole in his stomach the size of a watermelon and his large intestine was

  • dangling, dragging behind him in the dust. He kept tripping over it. Alley cats thought it was a game & pounced on it. The homeless man gave his intestine a yank, then propped up

  • the pinkish duodenum on the Rudolf topping a tiny Christmas tree he kept in his shopping cart & wrapped the jejunum around the lower boughs.It was festive & people gave generously

  • and went out of their way to make sure other people saw how generous they were. Usually by pointing out how humble they were while doing so as well. I raked it in. I couldn't wait

  • to twist-tie the bag and leave it by the curb before running over it with my car in a fit of pique. A less apt person would have just driven it to the landfill, but I was so angry

  • I just flipped out & went bananas. Anger always seems to be the tipping point for me. Like the time I beat a Big Mac with a hammer because it was supposed to be a quarter pounder.

  • I pounded it until it was the size of a quarter. Then I threw the hammer through the window, which surprisingly was not accepted as a payment method at the drive-thru.

  • Well, maybe it was, but the attendant was knocked unconscious, so their thoughts on the matter weren't readily available. I decided to drive off and try a different restaurant.



  1. LordVacuity Apr 26 2020 @ 22:17

    Without you hammer legal tender?

  2. Woab Apr 28 2020 @ 15:37

    That hammer cost me good money. It's not my fault that the stupid McDonald's doesn't barter. (By the way, I am still driving around looking for a restaurant that does barter.) (I am also writing an angry note to McDonald's for not giving me back my hammer.) (While driving.) (Fast.) (With cops after me.)

  3. Jelly_Man Apr 30 2020 @ 18:55

    Jeez, that escalated quickly.

  4. SlimWhitman May 02 2020 @ 04:37

    one minute standing on the corner in the rain, next ... burgerbarter rage!

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