In the shadow of a crumbling mansion, an

In the shadow of a crumbling mansion, an old woman whispered her secret to a man clad in a cloak of silver feathers. His face expressed utter

disdain, he had just slew the crimson beholder (level 10) and purloined Bigsby's Feather Cloak of Displacement. The crone conveyed a cryptic message that his mom missed him.

The cream pies always hit him when he was trying to concentrate on his monarchy. The court jester, Tom Arnold, laughed wickedly. And also terribly, since the witch had put a curse

on the jester. He used to be so kind and cheerful, but now he only felt joy in others' pain. King Matthew VI couldn't get rid of Tom; he promised to let Tom stay in the castle.

King Matthew VI felt a little like Richard Dreyfuss in "What About Bob," truth be told. So he made use of Tom as best he could by having him become his food taster. Trouble was,

King Matthew was going through a suicidal phase, and Tom wasn't sure food taster was the safest profession in the kingdom right now. So he concocted a ruse by which he would take

half of the grains on the plate and stuff it in to his pockets when the king looked away. Maybe then he would think he had eaten some. He made his move just as the king was

burying his mustache in the ample bosom of one of the serving wenches. The king liked 'em big. However, the king happened to spy a new bulge in the boy's trousers. "Is that grain?"

he asked. "Why yes. By your majesty's latest command, I bind to my buboes hot poultices of wheat & vinegar." The King had lost interest & reburied his face in the maid's cleavage.