The density of a lap cat increases proportional

The density of a lap cat increases proportional to the distance an owner is from a remote control.

This subtle scientific principle was proven beyond a doubt when my wife walked out of the room carrying the remote with her, and my cat suddenly became a black hole.

I had to move on. The radiation was giving me bloodshot eyes, plus I was out of toilet paper AND shopping catalogues. I picked the fluff from the Velcro and zipped my space suit.

Shopping in outer space is no easy task. Stuff floats out of your cart when you're not looking. I headed to the Skyzone with my list. Let's see... toilet paper, tomatoes, Visine,

tootsie rolls, teflon coated spatula, invisible braces, tempurpedic pillow, cordless power drill, water filter, GPS, velcro diapers. I floated to the Skyzone checkout,but I'd TPed

iotola. But while floating I drifted a little too much to the right and ended up in the Sky MAll.

There was a Skymart which sold things not found on earth. I found an old school journal book which was long out of production. I had the pen in my pocket. So I kept a journal there

out of production. I did that with almost everything I liked. This dead cat earring: out of production. This hooded lab rat: out of production. Wait; those are still in production.

But I figured if I blew up the entire planet, then everything would be out of production., so I did, little realizing that dead cats earrings were still being made on Pluto.