When Mars was awarded the World Cup in 2046

When Mars was awarded the World Cup in 2046 rumors circulate it was the result of a hefty bribe of martian titanium ore to delegates of the Eurasian Imperium. Conditions on Mars

were sub-par for football. The lack of atmosphere means footballs have to be made of lead to keep them on the red dust pitches. The green men don't understand the off-side rule

and flop like Italian linguine. All in all it was a piss poor performance pervaded by improper planning and preparation. Still, the inaugural Martian football tournament brought

onions and grilled Italian sausages to the stadium. I got so wound up when the Martians scored that I nearly dropped my bun on the floor. My girl friend Gabby grabbed it gracefully

. Well, at least she thought she did. The large mustached Martian fan sitting next to her gave her a look that said, "keep your hands to yourself unless you mean it." I was too

r across a stray mustache hair. Too late. She was spellbound. He just went with it. "Ever heard of the Martian Chronicles?" Nod. "Well I have a chronicle of my own back at my place

called the "Martin Chronicles." Let's go back to my place and really penetrate this narrative. The way he said narrative made her want to vomit. But the mustache hair was the clue

to the meaning of the universe. But Jimmy Wyatt the Shaver didn't want anyone to know. He knocked on the door one day with a razor in his right hand and shaving cream in his left.

The door opened. A white gloved hand on a long arm yanked him in and slammed the door. The rubbery hut shook with violent bulges. Then the once hirsute Jimmy shot from the chimney.