"Hold the needle still and pass the thread

"Hold the needle still and pass the thread through the eye," she instructed. But the only thing I could see was the fetid layers of breath that settled around me like a dense fog.

Knitters always neglect their oral hygiene, I thought. Her breath had the scent of a Scottish bog on a steamy day. Flashback to childhood in Glasgow. The evil schoolmistress

with the mole that seemed to eclipse her own head would relish the moment the bowels would break, and the stench of one student would begin a cascade into the sick of one after

one, like vomit dominoes. As the tsunami of hurl rolled to the front of the classroom Ms. Finklestien projectile vomited onto Ruth's chest. She was the teacher's pet so she

tried to hide her disgust by telling Ms. Finkelstien that everything was okay, and her cat did that all the time. But, unfortunately, it was at that time that the principal peeked

her head around the door & a bolt went clean through her neck. This was going to take a bit of explaining; Having already repulsed her, she tried to explain by showing

her fangs. Not subtle, but usually effective, this caused a

nother onset of priapism, oddly. He held one hand over his neck and used the other to support his problem area and took off running towards the nearest hospital. He knew from exper

ience that he'd be met with hostile humor, but he was used to it. He was to Viagra what Charlie Sheen is to crazy pills, and &##(@ them all. As he waked into the ER, he saw