Everyone writes songs or poems about the

Everyone writes songs or poems about the eyes but the poor neglected nose receives no such attention. The nose is picked on and unappreciated for its beauty

. If dogs wrote poetry it would be different. "Your musky scent is like a Steakhouse dumpster & wafts through the cities streets. When your black leathery nostrils, cold & wet

, gently nudge my anal sacs, I pant and beg for more." Dog poetry is a bone-a-fide art form, you know. Perhaps the best known canine poet who ever lived was Spot. He was a pug poet

been known to use hyperbole, that public knowledge has never stopped me from overstatement. That's why I make the best spokesperson for the Queen in the last 1,000 years,

nay -- the last seven aeons or more -- for my voice is greater than my embodiment, and if these times should rouse all kings and queens, Merlins, Robins, Arcturians and more, let

us all snog each other! For it is written in the Tomes of the Arcturi that that's the general way to head if we're all to get on!" Good King Richard looked doubtful. "What about

the bacon?" He felt that it would be such a waste if they skipped the usual bacon breakfast and got right in to the snogging. King Dick, as his close subjects referred to him as,

agreed wholeheartedly. "Bacon now. Beggin' later," he quipped, laughing at his own joke. No one ever understood King Dick's humor. But we had to laugh along with him, or else he'd

raise our taxes and impale our children.