Aunt Peachie smiled showing a polished set

Aunt Peachie smiled showing a polished set up dentures. "Come sit on Aunty's lap & let me give you a hug." I had no choice. As I clambered up I caught a whisp of her almond breath

. Aunt Peachie's bony hands stole around me & she clasped me to her flat bosom. Unexplainable & utter terror filled my soul & I struggled to extract myself from her arms. She smell

ed like a slice of dried venison that has been covered with a thick layer of spices to conceal the fact that it's past its best-served date. "Auntie" I grunted "I love you, but

this tastes like - " "Dungarees are what my dad always wore on a hunt, " my aunt inserted. But I wasnt going to be deterred.

"Let me put it this way auntie, the thing that this tastes like is brown and sounds like a bell and I'm not eating it anymore. I can't believe I haven't vomited yet? WHY CAN'T I?!

" My auntie didn't get the joke about dung, but my comment about vomiting up her food made her angry. She began shouting and throwing the horrible stuff at me. I ran away, but she

got into her 1971 Buick and chased me down the road. The only place I could think of to hide from my insane auntie was Joey Heatherton's Yarn Au-Go-Go, since she was allergic to

for Christmas. I told her she looked like Davy Crocket’s wife Lolita on their wedding night out on the O.K. Corral where they won the crochet dance club Hoochie Koochie Contest.

"So you're saying you see me turning into a harpy down the line. Is that what you're telling me with that line about Lolita Crocket?" Oops, I'd forgotten how that story ended.