The office was shocked when the vice president

The office was shocked when the vice president of pizza college gave her 3 weeks notice today. The statistician started to cry, because her awesomeness is 100% irreplaceable.

She was overcome with sadness bc pizzamaking was her life. The only problem was a pineapple cut her thumb off when she was making the hamapple pie, it was a mess. Blood spurted

all over the bar, and shorted out the solar-powered jumping elephant. Some of the blood spotted the hamapple pizza, which oddly improved the taste. Perhaps being bitten by a vamp

had altered my tastes. Now I didn't want to share the pizza but knew in my undead heart that the vamp would want some, too. Grabbing the elephant, I used the tusks to spear a slice

until after he'd eaten it. It was only then that the vampire developed an aversion to himself far beyond that of a mere self-esteem problem. It was self-loathing to the point of

actually believing he was a monster. He started only going out at night and wore a lot of black; long flowing capes and such. Plus he developed the habit of sucking on his teeth.

This habit he'd picked up from watching the Wire. So this pale idiot walked around at night with a cape. He'd yell BLAH! Well, after 3 months of this it was finally Halloween.

Ah, yes...Halloween...the height of the illegal drug trade in Baltimore...and, Lord knows...there were tons of drugs to buy and sell in the Charm City...and Christmas was right

. Christmas knew he had an addiction. The Halloween Heroine became too much of a burden on Christmas's family. So, in one brave final act, he signed himself into the clinic.