I was distracted by the unpeeled orange on

I was distracted by the unpeeled orange on the counter. I thought, who would leave an orange unpeeled like this? What kind of monster? What kind of sick, twisted, evil, wicked

person would torture an orange like that? It had been intricately zested in cryptic symbols. An apple was slowly levitating. It could only mean one thing: fruit warlock.

Not just any fruit warlock, Juicy Fruit Warlock. Spells on fruit and spells on chicle. I'd had a run in with a fruit strip witch and the scars to prove it. But I had a miserable jo

B and this is how I stayed sane the whole time. Juicy Fruit was not the same after 1975. The flavour was altered and the price doubled. The grocery shrink ray was at work there too

Then there was the Chunky Raisin scandal of 1977. That was the year the California Raisens won their first Grammy but the raisins in Chunky chocolates were being crowded togehter

like ore veins that nobody wanted to eat. The bitter dregs, lurking there, easily discarded from our otherwise banal chocolate ice cram. 1977 was a rum day for raisins, depending

on whether or not they were into Disco. But no matter how groovy, no boogying raisin in its right mind wanted to toss itself into the chocolate ice cram, which had constricted

the moves of our Disco Hero. "Watch me hustle!" he announced. He took a big gulp of what turned out to contain emetic fluid, and crouched up to deliver his groovy

literal bullets as his blood turned to metal. The thickening completed quickly. A soul floated up leaving just a statue to warn the others. His debt was finally repaid.