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I was distracted by the unpeeled orange on

  • I was distracted by the unpeeled orange on the counter. I thought, who would leave an orange unpeeled like this? What kind of monster? What kind of sick, twisted, evil, wicked

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  • person would torture an orange like that? It had been intricately zested in cryptic symbols. An apple was slowly levitating. It could only mean one thing: fruit warlock.

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  • Not just any fruit warlock, Juicy Fruit Warlock. Spells on fruit and spells on chicle. I'd had a run in with a fruit strip witch and the scars to prove it. But I had a miserable jo

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  • B and this is how I stayed sane the whole time. Juicy Fruit was not the same after 1975. The flavour was altered and the price doubled. The grocery shrink ray was at work there too

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  • Then there was the Chunky Raisin scandal of 1977. That was the year the California Raisens won their first Grammy but the raisins in Chunky chocolates were being crowded togehter

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  • like ore veins that nobody wanted to eat. The bitter dregs, lurking there, easily discarded from our otherwise banal chocolate ice cram. 1977 was a rum day for raisins, depending

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  • on whether or not they were into Disco. But no matter how groovy, no boogying raisin in its right mind wanted to toss itself into the chocolate ice cram, which had constricted

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  • the moves of our Disco Hero. "Watch me hustle!" he announced. He took a big gulp of what turned out to contain emetic fluid, and crouched up to deliver his groovy

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  • dance, not knowing that it was going to take a very dark turn. He danced for a minute or two, amazing people with his moves, then the fluid took effect. He shook, he began to sweat

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  • literal bullets as his blood turned to metal. The thickening completed quickly. A soul floated up leaving just a statue to warn the others. His debt was finally repaid.

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